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IN THE MIDDLE of the HANGING BRIDGE

Inspired by the song “THE ART OF LETTING GO” by Mariah Carey

One step...

Just that one step threw me in what seems to be a risky and unfathomable journey, but I'm ready for the risk and shrugged every odd feeling that's attacking me, hoping to find something worth to treasure at the end of it. HOPE AND LOVE was what kept me going. 

Until...

Senses freshens me up in the middle of a hanging bridge, hanged so far above the ground, strong breeze blowing through my face that even the imagination of me being there can kill me. “Why am I here?”

The HOPE that I held dear before and quite after a while I started this journey escaped me. The voice that I wanted to hear telling me to keep going magically puffed itself away from me as if I have something now to repel its existence.

What do you want to do now?

That was the question asked to me by the smartest part of myself then after trying to respond, rendered the rest of me of course immobile. Useless. Confused. Lonely.

Yet, something inside me sprouted, “you still have the LOVE to continue”. I managed to create a smile and so I still tried to go ahead.

A bit of that lost hope came back like the smallest candle light in the darkness.  

 

Points came that I needed to stop in order to evaluate myself because I suppose with all the walking I did; I still stand as if where I started, in the middle of the bridge. I’M STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIDGE! WHY AM I STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIDGE!? amidst all my efforts. Then with a couple of what seems to be a slap in my face, I knew what was really going on.

 

The reason why I’m still in the middle of the bridge is because I kept going back and forth in the middle of the freaking bridge!!! All along I thought I was always moving forward. I was soooo wrong. EVERYTHING IS NOW CRYSTAL CLEAR. I was blinded and you just played me.

 

I sighed, I cried, I felt pity for myself. The sad idea came to me of how I used to believe that you took my breath away. Truth is I was just suffocated with all your audacity and bravado. Realization bit me that there shouldn’t even be a bridge for me to cross to get to you. The bridge was your way of making me stay longer for your purpose that nobody knows. Not for me to stay permanently for you have no intentions of keeping me in the first place.

 

Now I’ll start walking back. Tracing my steps to that first step I took for you and eventually out of this hanging bridge. As I do that, let me tell you this! Letting go might not be easy and exceedingly hurtful. Cause somebody you used to know is flinging your world around. And just watch as you’re falling down. You’ll understand soon enough. Somehow…

 

Yes! It ain’t easy baby but don’t worry I’ll master the ART OF LETTING GO for you. Because of you and only for you. Now it’s time for me to give me myself, find myself, and regain myself. Hopefully… Again… I'll learn how to live again.

 

Bon Voyage to me.

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SCARED TO DEATH

It's not that I can tell you that I'll miss you and I love you now that I'm lying in a coffin. -but I seriously still want to.

It all started with a "hi" and sometimes I feel that it's so magical how a word could create such deep connections later on. Connections that will be cherished forever. The funny thing is I cannot do it anymore. Not anymore.

To all the good times we had, we never failed to paint smiles on our faces at the end of the day. To the point that I can't even imagine how I'll do something on my own because whenever I do things with you, it just feels so perfect like nothing is gonna go wrong.

Troubles come, troubles go. It's just how it happens. We withstand the test and set the barricades of love for us to enjoy and be happy of. -but what is it now? In my case, I better wish that I was heartbroken yet able to see you from afar but how is it that mine is both heartbroken and not beating at the same time? :(

However, I wonder how it feels on your side. I bet it's not easy as well. Seeing me close up, hands on the furnished wood carved into a box like rectangle and liquids pouring down your pink cheeks. It must hurt too. So much when you imagine that one minute ago I was standing by your side and then one minute after, I'm gone. Gone to the depths of the void and I cannot come back. I know I cannot come back even if I try to do anything!

Death cut me short, and now depriving me of loving you more. Hoping that the things I shared with your life would give me the privilege of extending my love for you. I'll remain. -even though i have to let you go now. it should be that way.

"Scared to death" was all I could ever think when I was still on your side though it proved me wrong because "Scared of not being able to love you" is what matters more. Sorry if I realized it too late. 

Now I have to go. Alone. Without you. -goodbye!

P.S  Darn! I'm almost out of words for this! It really hurts even though you're not really the one in the situation. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I'LL SAY THAT YOU CAN GO OUT OF WORDS DESCRIBING LOVE. Before I thought that people who says something like this are over reacting but I'll eat my words now. In fact, I just ate it! Life is so fragile to be wasted. We could never know when they'll go. I couldn't help but think about how I would feel after that very second that a loved one would lose the very last heartbeat of their life coz' you'll know after that, you could never ever see, hear, or touch them. Ever again! Yet, they say LIFE cannot be completed without DEATH. May be true but heck it's one hard truth to accept.

I THINK NOW WE KNOW WHAT TO DO? Go then coz I'll do mine!!! 

WOUNDED HEART

I was hurt thrice today

By simple words they shouldn’t say

It set a wound right through my heart

This in me shall never part

Every minute I’m living my way

I’m here to learn and not to play

But my wounded heart keeps me away

From my emotions I want to portray

Sometimes I cry to my heart’s content

Believing that it would set me free

But I was proven wrong

The reminisced emotions was always strong

I wonder when it would end

Hoping that one time I don’t have to pretend

I guess I have to carry it all along

And accept that this wounded heart would last for long

- I made this poem for like a year ago already. It's kind of my hobby to write when such in a mood of solitude specially having my lone time. This is a realization for me as to how sometimes individual becomes tactless and just say everything without second thoughts and by that, sometimes not even realizing that they are hurting other people's feelings which eventually in worst case, they'll (the poeple who got wounded) bring it as a bad memory for the rest of their life perhaps. Some might try to cope up with the feeling that burdens them and some are lucky to escape its grasp. However, "some" means not all. So there are still those who suffer its torment day by day. To evaluate back in the kind of setting and taking this into a general sense, sometimes words just jumps out of our mouth especially when emotions are kicking in. Maybe for us it's just words, but for the person who heard them, it might be a nightmare (vise versa). And now in the perspective of the person who wants to cheer up an emotionally wounded person. We never know how they feel. We might understand somehow but never ever feel the same way.