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IN THE MIDDLE of the HANGING BRIDGE

Inspired by the song “THE ART OF LETTING GO” by Mariah Carey

One step...

Just that one step threw me in what seems to be a risky and unfathomable journey, but I'm ready for the risk and shrugged every odd feeling that's attacking me, hoping to find something worth to treasure at the end of it. HOPE AND LOVE was what kept me going. 

Until...

Senses freshens me up in the middle of a hanging bridge, hanged so far above the ground, strong breeze blowing through my face that even the imagination of me being there can kill me. “Why am I here?”

The HOPE that I held dear before and quite after a while I started this journey escaped me. The voice that I wanted to hear telling me to keep going magically puffed itself away from me as if I have something now to repel its existence.

What do you want to do now?

That was the question asked to me by the smartest part of myself then after trying to respond, rendered the rest of me of course immobile. Useless. Confused. Lonely.

Yet, something inside me sprouted, “you still have the LOVE to continue”. I managed to create a smile and so I still tried to go ahead.

A bit of that lost hope came back like the smallest candle light in the darkness.  

 

Points came that I needed to stop in order to evaluate myself because I suppose with all the walking I did; I still stand as if where I started, in the middle of the bridge. I’M STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIDGE! WHY AM I STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIDGE!? amidst all my efforts. Then with a couple of what seems to be a slap in my face, I knew what was really going on.

 

The reason why I’m still in the middle of the bridge is because I kept going back and forth in the middle of the freaking bridge!!! All along I thought I was always moving forward. I was soooo wrong. EVERYTHING IS NOW CRYSTAL CLEAR. I was blinded and you just played me.

 

I sighed, I cried, I felt pity for myself. The sad idea came to me of how I used to believe that you took my breath away. Truth is I was just suffocated with all your audacity and bravado. Realization bit me that there shouldn’t even be a bridge for me to cross to get to you. The bridge was your way of making me stay longer for your purpose that nobody knows. Not for me to stay permanently for you have no intentions of keeping me in the first place.

 

Now I’ll start walking back. Tracing my steps to that first step I took for you and eventually out of this hanging bridge. As I do that, let me tell you this! Letting go might not be easy and exceedingly hurtful. Cause somebody you used to know is flinging your world around. And just watch as you’re falling down. You’ll understand soon enough. Somehow…

 

Yes! It ain’t easy baby but don’t worry I’ll master the ART OF LETTING GO for you. Because of you and only for you. Now it’s time for me to give me myself, find myself, and regain myself. Hopefully… Again… I'll learn how to live again.

 

Bon Voyage to me.

PENGE po'ng ISANG DAAN

"Tay! penge po pera! :D" masaya at positibong sabi nya.

"Saan mo gagamitin ang pera?" sagot ng nauna.

Ano na nga ba ang mabibili o kayang i.avail ngayon sa isandaan? Gumawa tayo ng listahan. (uhhhhhhm. pasensya na nag.iisip lang)

• isandaang kendi at lollipop (tingnan natin kung di rereklamo sweet tooth mo)
• dalawang meal sa karinderia ni Mang Isko
• sampung beses na pamasahe sa jeep
• pambili ng tatlong Precious Hearts Romance (PHR) na pocketbooks (P35 yung isa, me kulang ka pang P5 - utang nalang muna pero dapat marunong kang magbayad ah?)
• pitong oras sa internet cafe ni Manang Sekwang
• AT MARAMI PANG IBA!!!  (kayo na bahalang dumagdag. baka abutin kasi tayo ng kailan man kung lahat na ilalagay natin) :P

Alam ko andami niyo pang naiisip na pwedeng mabibili sa isandaan na pera. Pero hindi talaga yun ang gusto kong bigyan ng tuon. (pasensya na at niligaw ko pa kayo ng sandali sa totong paksa. HAHAHA.)

Ganito kasi yun! Pasukan na naman diba? Syempre naman kahit papaano, sana may bago kang gamit na pwede mong isuot o para man lang maging komportable ka sa pagpasok sa skwela. Yun yun eh! Tapos wala pala. (ang saklap ng buhay dito na linya. 911 nalang?) 

Apat (4) na taon na akong studyante sa tertiary school ng Ateneo de Davao University. Ngunit simula palang nung elementarya pa ako ay di ako sinanay na dapat may mga bagong gamit talaga pag pasukan kaya naman labis ko namang ikinatuwa ang pagtungtung ko sa kolehiyo kasi baka magbago yung ganun na estilo na nakasanayan ko lalo na kasi sa skwelahan ko eh uso yung tinatawag na "peer pressure". (lintik nga naman na peer pressure to! gagawin pa akong high blood).

Yun nga! pagpasok ko ng first day sa skwelahan nung first year pa ako, bagong uniform, bagong sapatos, bagong bag, bagong kagamitan, bago lahat! Ansarap pala sa pakiramdam. Parang nanalo ka ng lotto na kids edition sa tuwa. :D (pero college na ako nun! isip bata lang talaga siguro ako.) Pero di naman nagtagal yung ganung feeling kasi sa sunod na pasukan, recycled na lahat ng gamit ko. Wala ng bago. (saklap na naman. hahaahah). Pero ok lang yun sabi ko. Wala naman ding masama sa mga recycled na gamit basta maayos pa at pwede pang gamitin.

Kaya nga lang. papatayin ka sa ingit ng mga kaklase mo sa mga bago nilang dala na ipagmamayabang nila! (NAKU!!! Pag nakita ko talaga yan si INGIT, hindi ko na pakakawalan sa sakal yan! haha).  Ayun! buong taon kong sinubukang ipikit ang mga mata ko sa mga bagay na meron sila. (bad din kasi yung nagseselos ka sa iba sabi sa BIBLE). 

Akala ko yun na yung pinaka masaklap. Meron pa palang baon ang Gods of suffering! Dobleng tiis ako pagdating ng 3rd year kasi recycled na naman lahat ng gamit ko. (anak ng buhay na totoy nga naman!). Uy! pero nalagpasan ko yun ah? diba nga 4th year na ako. :D

Last na yun sabi ko! Pero na naman! may "MAS" pa pala sa "PINAKA"? (mali ata yung teacher ko sa pagtuturo sa akin ng comparative at superlative noon). Kaya tayo dumating sa-

"Tay penge pong pera!"  :)))

"San mo gagamitin ang pera?"

"Pambili lang po ng medyas kasi sira sira na po yung medyas ko" (sa puntong eto eh medyo positibo akong pagbibigyan ako. Sana nga lang. Kahit bagong medyas lang po bago ako grumadweyt!)

"Ok sige. Ipapadala ko nalang sa atm mo bukas"

"YES!!! napatalon ang ulirang recycler! (haha.walang basagan ng reaksyon) "Tay! magkano po ba budget ko pambili ng medyas?"

"P100 nak." -------  0.o (speechless ako)

 "Hangang recycle nalang yata talaga ako!" "Ok lang. nga naman nakakatulong pa ako ke inang kalikasan". Yun nalang nasabi ko sa sarili ko. Pero deep inside di ko na alam kung matatawa ba ako o mag.uuramentado sa sobrang EWAN!

Yun po! Hangang ngayon di pa ako nakakabili ng bagong medyas. HAHA. Patuloy nalang sa pagpasok sa skwela. Kaya kung makikita nyo ako sa skwela. Please lang! Sa mukha nalang kayo tumingin at wag na sa may bandang baba ng katawan para di nyo makita ang secret kong medyas na naging katuwang ko na ng almost 4 years na.

P.S  -Sa mga nakakarelate. Goodluck sa mga hihingiin niyo sa parents niyo! :D

P.S.S  -alam ko medyo exag ang ibang statement. haha. bye! bye! :P